


Public Service Announcement

by EllieMurasaki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s07e23 Survival of the Fittest, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 16:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieMurasaki/pseuds/EllieMurasaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie does her part to keep the world safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Public Service Announcement

Her name's Bonnie Watson. At least it is this week. She might need to disappear again after this little stunt. It's hard getting used to answering to 'Bonnie', but it was hard getting used to answering to 'Charlie'.

She'll manage.

Bonnie has a webcam, and she hasn't yet decorated her new apartment, so there's nothing in the background that will identify her. She and Sam worked out a speech—he'd deliver it himself but human memory can't be rewritten to specification the way computer memory has been.

"Hello, world," Bonnie tells the webcam. "My name is Geraldine Rawlins. You may have noticed something strange going on—I think it's confined to the United States, but I'm not sure, so I'm telling everyone.

Bonnie explains in terse sentences monsters, leviathans, Richard Roman. The food additives that make humans deadly to most monsters but easy prey for leviathans.

"Now, the part you've all been waiting for," Bonnie says. "How to stay safe. The most important thing you need to do is a lifestyle change. Eat _nothing_ with food additives of _any_ sort. Especially nothing with high-fructose corn syrup. Google 'Paleo diet'." A lmgtfy.com link will appear when she's done editing. "That will keep you from being too stoned to notice or care when a leviathan is coming.

"The second thing is, carry borax at all times, preferably in liquid form. Splash some on anyone you suspect of being a leviathan, and I remind you that's everyone. Leviathans are allergic to borax, so anyone who reacts is someone you should run away from as fast as possible. It wouldn't hurt to carry a knife, either. Someone who bleeds black instead of red is definitely a leviathan.

"If you spot a leviathan, call one of the phone numbers at this link. These people hunt the supernatural for a living; they know how to deal with leviathans." And not a one of them will be pleased with Bonnie.

Sam's number doesn't appear on the list.

"If you'd rather kill them on your own, tough shit; they don't die easy. Decapitation is the only thing that slows them down, and be careful not to leave the head in the same county as the body, because they regenerate.

"Now, it isn't all doom and gloom. Without a leader, the leviathans are disorganized and should be relatively simple to corner one by one, and I know of a squad of freedom fighters who intend to investigate all the companies Roman was associated with and to destroy all the formulae and all the production equipment necessary to make the evil food additives." There is only one of Sam, but Bonnie knows exactly how good he is at recruiting.

"Most of you think I'm crazy," Bonnie concludes. "Either that or you simply don't care. But I have a way to prove it. This link has a list of names known or suspected to be leviathans." Database, actually, sortable by surname and last known location. Every Richard Roman Enterprises employee of any level and everyone in the database Frank constructed and Bonnie saved to the cloud before deleting off the hard drive she hacked. Joe Biden is in that database. "See what color they bleed. See if they're allergic to borax. And if they are, cut their head off or run before they eat you alive.

"This has been a public service announcement. Thank you for watching. Geraldine Rawlins, out."

Bonnie edits the links into the video, watches it twice to make sure the transcript is accurate, and hacks Youtube. Every Youtube visitor for the next month will see this video at least once.

Her part's done. She hopes.

And, damn it all to hell, she's really craving frozen pizza.


End file.
